I haven't gotten to the vigil yet. I would call this pre-grieving. And it's always necessary for me, or maybe a bad thing, but I always think of all the worst case scenarios, and then what is most likely to happen.
I wonder about the tick tock--I both like it and dislike it. I think it's a placeholder at this point. But do tell me more about the line breaks. I am terrible at them, and I want to do better, more deliberate. What would you do?
Let them be there if they want. This isn’t just a poem. It’s your/very personal/poem about losing/your dad. It can always change with “time.” Thanks for sharing your process. I love it.
‘Just a poem’? I can write something and you can relate and empathize on the subject— but a poem by the way it is written makes you feel something new, not just what you already know.
Certainly that is true, hence this open process. I want to show readers how a poem develops over time. And it's good for me too. I have always composed and edited as I go along, so not much in the way of extant drafts. This way, I can see my drafts.
Hats off. I understand your point, but I think what I was trying to say is that this is a poem that it is still in process—and so are the feelings that are being expressed about a very deeply felt and fresh experience. I would opt for honoring the feelings first and honing the fine points more gradually. But that’s “just” my feeling.
‘Just a poem’ ?? I can write something I feel and you am an empathize and it won’t be a poem— which by its form and structure lets you feel something new.
For me a line break is a rhythm marker, a hint of a hesitation ( not like a pause) with a slight emphasis on that break word or on the first word of the next line. As if one had to hesitate or quickly glance up to find the next word — hardly measurable in time. It is the orchestration of a poem.
That sounds lovely, but since I tend toward galloping prose (and poems really), not very easy to hear. Also, this seems counter to what I see in other poets, I would say esp. younger poets. Which poets should I explore? Bishop? Eliot?
Why would you want something not easy to hear? Who are you writing to? What effect in the poem’s patterns — not just the emotion— do you want the reader to feel?
Thanks. I had remembered that Wright was a huge influence on you. I am quite familiar with Rich. Never read Limon. Perhaps I am too influenced by contemporary poets.
Hello I’ve been absent for a while. Always a joy to read you again. My mom died 4 years ago. The memory of those last brutal days stays with me and brings me close to her again every time they come up. There’s pain there and regret too of what decisions I hate now, but the pain is a lovely connection now. And she feels closer now than ever. Still pulling me up out of the water. Blessings to you.
This is a hauntingly beautiful poem that reminds me of the special relationship between you and your dad and the great loss you are experiencing, little by little.
The latest version evokes so many memories of my own losses, that I feel my feet wading into the floodwaters again. It reminds me of a couple of my poems on here, “She’s Up St. Mary’s Again” and “As The Lights Dim And Die”. There’s a temptation to dilute the impact for the sake of poetic form, but I know you’ll avoid it. You’re such a natural.
"There’s a temptation to dilute the impact for the sake of poetic form", I love this, so apt. And I do it all the time, which is why I really love to do poems with no form, just a block of text, but I know that readers do not like to read these. I don't myself. So.....thanks for this, Ian.
This is also good mourning, if there can be such a thing. It is at least honest, clear, visceral and true to the pain. The pain of the now, and the knowledge of the pain to come.
It made me think of my own poem - "The Sadness" - where I wrote of "the sadness which comes
at the thought of the sadness to come."
It reminded me, also, of how much I miss my own Father, still, 30 years after he died.
This is what good writing does - finding commonality between us. Each grief is unique in detail, but the feeling of grief is one of life's gifts to us all, if we live long enough to receive it.
I know you say of this piece that "a lot will happen to it later" - but thank you for sharing it now. This could become a whole story, rather than a poem.
You make something beautiful of your Father's life, Rebecca, and of your love. What more can we do?
Brava! And thank you. I held this vigil for my own dad five years ago.
I haven't gotten to the vigil yet. I would call this pre-grieving. And it's always necessary for me, or maybe a bad thing, but I always think of all the worst case scenarios, and then what is most likely to happen.
Thanks for your kind comment.
I would cut the tick tock and make the lines longer to bring out the speech rhythms — but of course that is just my opinion
I wonder about the tick tock--I both like it and dislike it. I think it's a placeholder at this point. But do tell me more about the line breaks. I am terrible at them, and I want to do better, more deliberate. What would you do?
Let them be there if they want. This isn’t just a poem. It’s your/very personal/poem about losing/your dad. It can always change with “time.” Thanks for sharing your process. I love it.
Thanks, Marilyn. I think you are correct--an organic evolution.
And we can feel differently about it.
Indeed.
‘Just a poem’? I can write something and you can relate and empathize on the subject— but a poem by the way it is written makes you feel something new, not just what you already know.
Certainly that is true, hence this open process. I want to show readers how a poem develops over time. And it's good for me too. I have always composed and edited as I go along, so not much in the way of extant drafts. This way, I can see my drafts.
Hats off. I understand your point, but I think what I was trying to say is that this is a poem that it is still in process—and so are the feelings that are being expressed about a very deeply felt and fresh experience. I would opt for honoring the feelings first and honing the fine points more gradually. But that’s “just” my feeling.
‘Just a poem’ ?? I can write something I feel and you am an empathize and it won’t be a poem— which by its form and structure lets you feel something new.
For me a line break is a rhythm marker, a hint of a hesitation ( not like a pause) with a slight emphasis on that break word or on the first word of the next line. As if one had to hesitate or quickly glance up to find the next word — hardly measurable in time. It is the orchestration of a poem.
That sounds lovely, but since I tend toward galloping prose (and poems really), not very easy to hear. Also, this seems counter to what I see in other poets, I would say esp. younger poets. Which poets should I explore? Bishop? Eliot?
Why would you want something not easy to hear? Who are you writing to? What effect in the poem’s patterns — not just the emotion— do you want the reader to feel?
I meant, not east to "hear" in general, but that not everyone likes the type of prose I do, and it's hard on me to write it for various reasons.
Of course I want my poems to be easy to hear.
James wright and Ada Limon — also Adrienne Rich
Thanks. I had remembered that Wright was a huge influence on you. I am quite familiar with Rich. Never read Limon. Perhaps I am too influenced by contemporary poets.
Ada Limon is great, highly recommend Bright Dead Things
Hello I’ve been absent for a while. Always a joy to read you again. My mom died 4 years ago. The memory of those last brutal days stays with me and brings me close to her again every time they come up. There’s pain there and regret too of what decisions I hate now, but the pain is a lovely connection now. And she feels closer now than ever. Still pulling me up out of the water. Blessings to you.
That's a lovely way to look at it. Welcome back.
This is a hauntingly beautiful poem that reminds me of the special relationship between you and your dad and the great loss you are experiencing, little by little.
Thanks. I know that you know.
The latest version evokes so many memories of my own losses, that I feel my feet wading into the floodwaters again. It reminds me of a couple of my poems on here, “She’s Up St. Mary’s Again” and “As The Lights Dim And Die”. There’s a temptation to dilute the impact for the sake of poetic form, but I know you’ll avoid it. You’re such a natural.
"There’s a temptation to dilute the impact for the sake of poetic form", I love this, so apt. And I do it all the time, which is why I really love to do poems with no form, just a block of text, but I know that readers do not like to read these. I don't myself. So.....thanks for this, Ian.
I think you do both well. You straddle the worlds.
Good morning my friend.
Well - it's morning here, as you know.
This is also good mourning, if there can be such a thing. It is at least honest, clear, visceral and true to the pain. The pain of the now, and the knowledge of the pain to come.
It made me think of my own poem - "The Sadness" - where I wrote of "the sadness which comes
at the thought of the sadness to come."
It reminded me, also, of how much I miss my own Father, still, 30 years after he died.
This is what good writing does - finding commonality between us. Each grief is unique in detail, but the feeling of grief is one of life's gifts to us all, if we live long enough to receive it.
I know you say of this piece that "a lot will happen to it later" - but thank you for sharing it now. This could become a whole story, rather than a poem.
You make something beautiful of your Father's life, Rebecca, and of your love. What more can we do?
Best Wishes - Dave
I don't think we can do anything. Except climb out, and keep going.
The image of one hand reaching for the other stayed with me. Thank you for sharing this passage.
Thanks for commenting, Antonio. I appreciate it.